poem after breaking down again

part of me missed it
the intensity of the sleepless
the 4 hours or less
the getting up to the daily
the drive that gives everything
the unfamiliar
the insomnia
the exhausting fear of anything heavy lasting longer than I can carry
the solitude
the missing something that wasn’t happening
the missing someone who wasn’t here
the breaking
the breath that shapes the smoky cold wind
i feel myself overcoming
sometimes not too often
then returning to the birth of believing
that part of me misses this
letting go
letting my words
change me
taking you there
taking me there
taking us anywhere
that lifts us beyond this
i’m so ready
for the melody
for the spell to be broken
for the next time
the next song
the next reason to collapse on stage
to be real and vulnerable
and embarrassed that i’m doing it again
the letting go
the breaking
the breath that shapes the smoky cold wind
the poem that turns it all back into sunshine